Funeral

The hearse arrives
With your simple unadorned coffin.
I place lilies over your body.

We leave the house,
head towards the crematorium.
A sick anxiety overwhelms me.
I do not want to make a fool of myself,
Not there,
Not then.

I wish I had,
Instead of being foolish
At this late date.
I wish I had stood and shouted,
Screamed and cried.......

I was dignified in my grief.
I have not been so dignified
Since.